More Tea and Aging

I've dispatched Erik to San Francisco this week to check out all the teahouses there and generally sniff out the state of things tea-related in the West. If he doesn't get too distracted by the latest offerings from Apple Computer, Inc., I expect he'll come back with lots to tell. I'm sure we're all looking forward to that.

Since I went so nuts for Betjeman & Barton's Pouchkine tea over the holidays my loving wife cleaned out the shelves at Williams Sonoma so I will never be without it again. Man, that stuff is good, but here's something: the original tin I received has a best before October 2003 sticker on the bottom. The new tins have a 2006 date. I'm not a scientist or anything but I would surmise that there's a 3 year age gap somewhere in there. The thing of it is, the tin that I should have enjoyed a long time ago tastes a lot better and I'm trying to figure out why. A blend is a blend so it might just be a different crop of tea or an off day for the tea blender or something, but these are established, old-school, probably not stoned tea merchants and one would think they would aim for (and achieve) a consistent product. The international tea community demands no less. So it's got to be some sort of accidental aging process in which the tea itself loses a little flavor, the added flavors step in to fill the void but lose enough of their original character (orange-lemon-bergamot) to create a new flavor that is better than anything, even the New England Patriots. Not that there's anything wrong with the newer tea, it's top shelf, but it tastes like the description on the tin - a blend of black teas with citrus flavoring. The older stuff tastes exotic, mysterious, sensual, like a wet kiss from a virgin bride who's just eaten a fruit from another planet and all that crap. Go figure.

Vive La France!

I'm pretty materialistic when you get right down to it so I tend to judge the holidays by the amount of loot that's scattered about the floor on Christmas morning, or in my case, protectively heaped on the couch next to me. Yeah, it's shallow but what the hell. This year yielded a rich bounty including the best tea I have ever had. Really. I got a tin of Betjemen & Barton's Pouchkine and it just knocked me flat. I'm not sure how to describe a sipping double-take but that's exactly what I did when I first tasted it. The cartoon version of me did one of those little moves where my legs swing up off the ground and my eyes bulge. If it hadn't been piping hot I would have chugged it. Maybe I'm exaggerating a little but I really like this tea. It's an old-school blend that reeks of refinement. Makes those groovy west-coast tea blenders look like chumps. Vive la France, baby! I've seen it at Williams Sonoma (uncomfortably close to the premium pancake mixes) and I'm sure it can be found wherever the wealthy send their help to buy food.

Drink it.

Lick the cup when you're done.

Rule #1

Drinking my tea this morning I pondered the following: I don't like flavored teas (and flavored coffees too! Come to think of it, I dislike almost all 'additionally flavored' beverages. Cran-Rasberry cocktail anyone? - what, cranberries alone aren't enough f-ing flavor for you?) but I love this Earl Grey which everybody knows is flavored with bergamot oil. How can that be? Then I hit on it. I love rules and order so this is what I will call my flavored beverage rule #1: The source of any additional beverage flavor must be something you would never consume independently. Now I can confidently drink teas flavored with jasmine, bergamot, eye of newt, you name it (I'm even going to throw black currants onto the list since I don't think I've ever eaten one and don't plan to) and even better I can proudly refuse Lime Coke which tastes like a moist towlette.

I'm going to extend this rule to cover alcoholic beverages as well, with the exception of triple sec which I need to make pirate drinks. I think the very nature of pirate drinks excludes them from all rules.

Call Me Mr. Earl

Christmas came a little early this year as my lady has given me a great big tin of Harney & Sons Earl Grey tea. I am an absolute fan of this tea and it makes me want to try more from the good people at Harney's. It's really really really good and I don't mind saying so. Some folks look down on Earl Greys (Earls Grey?) for being flavored and kind of froo-froo but I'm not one of those people. True, flavored teas are a little suspect but this particular variety has been around for so long it's forgiven. I recently built a prototypical desktop analogy generator and let's see what the readout says... Oh, OK, it says that it's kind of like greatest hits albums that have become great albums in their own right. I guess I would have to agree with that statement. It should come as no surprise that there are conflicting stories about the true origins of Earl Grey. Bigelow tea bags tell us it's "Named for a famous Earl.." which is one of the stupidest. Whatever the origin, most Earl Grey teas are flavored with the oil of bergamot which is an inedible citrus fruit grown in southern Italy. Peet's offers one flavored with Lavender which, despite having a weird elephant house smell, is very refreshing. I'm not sure if it's legit for them to call it Earl Grey but I'm not going to argue with them - that's not something tea people do. According to the internet, which doesn't lie, bergamot oils can be used for whatever ails you including depression, halitosis, acne and cold sores so this tea is bound to make you feel like a champ.

Holidays

The holidays are here so I thought I'd spruce up the place with this lo-res image. Since I've been drinking all this Lung Ching green tea I find I'm much less lethargic, hence the renewed interest in crafts projects. In general I find any kind of drinking really sharpens my decision-making skills. Enjoy!

Tea Conversion part II

Looks like Erik's doing pretty well on his switch from coffee to tea. I didn't have any real doubts about him, though, because this is a guy who actually gave up eating meat to get laid. Not only that but he went on to marry the girl so he definitely knows how to change course and stick with it. Were I his guidance counselor I'd regularly hand him pamphlets about careers in motivational speaking. Instead I usually just give him shit about how we should go get us some big, messy plates of ribs. At their wedding I managed to horrify one of the other guests at the (meat-free, of course) buffet table by expressing a strong preference for the sausage dip. I got some dirty looks that day. I assumed everyone knows there's no such thing as sausage dip.

Anyway I know he's getting into the whole tea thing because he's started sending me links to tea-related gear sites. These people's teaware looks great. Haven't tried the tea yet but I love the stuff.

Green!

Had a strange dream last night in which I was at my next-door neighbor's house making a cup of Folger's brand instant coffee. The spoon is moist so some of the crystals stick to it even after I pour the heaping teaspoon into the mug. Do I lick it clean or put it in the sink? Sure enough I get an email this morning from my old friend Meg informing me that my doppelganger works at the Folger theater in DC. It's like it's all coming together around me but in a language I don't speak. I'm really glad she used the word 'doppelganger' instead of look-alike or long-lost twin. It reminds me that I need to look into the tea-drinking habits of Germans.

Speaking of tea drinking habits, rumor has it that in China, birthplace of tea and producer of some of the most kick-ass black teas you'll ever drink (and everything else in the world), the preferred tea by far is green. Go figure. They export all that black tea to us foreigners (lining the crates that bring us our iPods, mountain bikes and vintage re-issue Star Wars action figures) while they laugh, laugh at us, between fragrant mouthfuls of delicately scented green tea. I've always preferred black teas because they are strong, hearty and basically taste great. I guess a part of me has always lumped green tea in with honey-sweetened cookies and mushroom burgers - fine and all but lacking. That said, I like to read poetry from time to time and I think that qualifies me as a sensitive person and as such I should have a signature, go-to green tea at the ready. I'm trying to zero in on a really good, standard-issue variety that I don't have to think about. Something to keep me alive during the afternoons. I went down to Teaism and picked up some Lung Ching, a.k.a Dragon Well, and it's really tasty. Stop me if you've heard this before but it reminds me a lot of Japanese Sencha (no shit, they're both green teas). It has a grassy, vegetal taste and also a nuttiness I can't describe. Yin and yang. Peas and corn. That's it, peas and corn. OK, I can describe it afterall. Anyway, this is good and everybody should drink it.

Irish Breakfast

I've been listening to the new U2 album (yeah, I still call them albums) and it has put me in a mind to have a nice cup of Irish Breakfast tea. And to fight poverty and hunger. Of course I don't have any Irish Breakfast-style tea on hand so I'm going to have to walk over to Teaism and buy a little baggy. I'm not sure they carry an Irish-style blend but since it would just be a couple Assams tossed together I'm sure I can make do with a couple different types of Assam and me doing the tossing. In fact, I might even make a little label for it on green paper with a Celtic rune or two just for authenticity. Teaism has a decidedly non-western theme so most likely that's what I'll have to do.

Buying a U2 album feels a little like watching the Superbowl or the Oscars - almost a required activity unless you lead a purely alternative lifestyle and have no link to the mainstream. I itemize the expense along with new David Bowie albums and tickets to see the Star Wars prequels. Amazingly enough there are four, maybe five good songs on there. That's saying a lot when you consider the accomplishments of other rockers at this point in their careers: The Rolling Stones' Dirty Work, Paul McCartney's every release since Band on the Run (OK, I actually think a lot of his solo stuff is pretty good but I recognize that it's not a commonly held view), and Cheap Trick's latest album (they have a latest album). That's not to say there aren't a lot of older rockers who have put out good things late in the game but other than Bob Dylan and Motorhead there are no bands besides U2 that I can think of that have consistently not sucked for this long. Maybe Neil Young but he established early on that at least two songs on every album will stink so he kind of lowered the bar for himself.

When I open my Tea Shop I'm going to offer an Irish Blend with celebrity backing. I figure Bono is a long shot but perhaps it's time for Larry Mullen Jr. to step into the spotlight. I've got him pegged as a tea advocate. I'm not sure the phone number I have for him is still current so I'll probably have to streak onto the stage at the Grammy Awards again so we can catch up and work out some sort of deal.

Keemun, Try It

I'm Still working my way through the nice bag of Keemun I received from the Perennial Tea Room in Seattle. This is another one of those great Chinese black teas that you can squeeze at least three infusions out of, and each one is great. You would think it would just get weaker with each infusion but instead the flavors mooglify a bit on each pass so that it tastes pretty much like the same thing only now there's a little backwards guitar part and a tambourine in the left channel that wasn't there before. I've heard Keemun described as having an indescribable taste which sounds like a challenge to me, so here goes: honey and tobacco. I mean that in a good way. Honey, can you pass the tobacco? They're all just dried up leaves that we extract drugs from, right? And thank god for that. I remember a time when me & my friends tried smoking everything we could find (including tea) thinking we might stumble upon a previously undiscovered hallucinogen. Come to think of it I also recall (vaguely) trying to make tea out of a bona fide hallucinogen at least once (note: does not work). Anyway, this here tea gives me a pleasing hand-rolled cig/oak-paneled library/honey & biscuits/winter morning waking up at your friend's house and not having to go anywhere feeling. Suggested listening: late period Hendrix or maybe some pre-longhair Who albums.

Tea and Aging

Just about every tea site I visit has a little section extolling the health benefits of tea. Since I plan to start selling tea one of these days I'm not about to discredit the hack medical advice that drives people to shell out their hard-earned cash for the good leaf but I must confess that tea is doing a poor job of slowing the aging process, for me at least. Despite three to four big cups a day I find that nowadays when I hike up my trousers I do it in the front. It's a subtle thing, no doubt, but there it is. I believe a young man will hike them from the sides or in some cases not at all.

By all rights I should be drinking the Loser's Blend today (Eagles 28, Redskins 6) but I can't shake this Darjeeling anymore (I've forgotten what I started fighting for). I'm really coming around to it. For best results I use a lot of leaves (add enough, then add more) and let it steep for exactly three minutes. This is a good choice for OCD tea-drinkers. I used to be that guy in the office kitchen making a complicated hot beverage, and now I'm that guy in the office kitchen making a complicated hot beverage with a stopwatch.